Do You Have A Gambling Problem?

By Will Veda
(Does Will Veda?)

If You Answer Yes To At Least  Seven Of These Twenty Questions, You Just May Need To Contact Gamblers Anonymous
(Will's answers follow each question.)

1. Did you ever lose time from work or school due to gambling? (No, gambling is my work and schooling.)
2. Has gambling ever made your home life unhappy?  (Hell no, I’m always happy at home.)
3. Did gambling affect your reputation?  (Yes, but only when my secret identity was revealed.)
4. Have you ever felt remorse after gambling?  (Never, I only feel remorse when I’m taking the casino’s money – breaks my heart.)
5. Did you ever gamble to get money with which to pay debts or otherwise solve financial difficulties?  (No, I only use disposable income – bills I use to wipe my patooty.)
6. Did gambling cause a decrease in your ambition or efficiency?  (What?  No, gambling only increases my ambition.  Who thought up these questions?)
7. After losing did you feel you must return as soon as possible and win back your losses?  (Losing?  That’s for losers.  No.)
8. After a win did you have a strong urge to return and win more?  (No, the only urges I feel are when I have to use my disposable income.  See question 5.)
9. Did you often gamble until your last dollar was gone?  (No, the casinos pay me to stay.)
10. Did you ever borrow to finance your gambling?  (No, who would ever loan money to a gambler, anyway?  No sharks for this boy.)
11. Have you ever sold anything to finance gambling?  (Yes, my sister’s soul.)
12. Were you reluctant to use "gambling money" for normal expenditures?  (Yes, my gambling money is, well, my gambling money.) 
13. Did gambling make you careless of the welfare of yourself or your family?  (No, I always care for myself and my family – as long as I/they fare well.)
14. Did you ever gamble longer than you had planned?  (No, I plan to gamble forever.)
15. Have you ever gambled to escape worry or trouble?  (Yes, I was once worried that I might miss a cruise on a riverboat.  I bet myself I’d make it.  I won.) 
16. Have you ever committed, or considered committing, an illegal act to finance gambling?  (Yes – oh my – I occasionally pocket heads-up pennies for good luck charms.)
17. Did gambling cause you to have difficulty in sleeping?  (No, I’m a life-long insomniac.  Always will be.)
18. Do arguments, disappointments or frustrations create within you an urge to gamble?  (No, I just beat the nearest inanimate object.)
19. Did you ever have an urge to celebrate any good fortune by a few hours of gambling?  (Yes, there’s that damn urge again.  And I must also celebrate with some single malt Scotch!)
20. Have you ever considered self-destruction or suicide as a result of your gambling?  (No, I only considered self-destruction after reading question 6.)

Six “yes” answers.  Whew, Will is so close to having a problem, although question 5 may just have a borderline answer.  

Seriously, there are a lot of people with gambling problems and it really is not a laughing matter.  Gambling addiction is similar to drug, alcohol, or anything else that compulsively ruins lives.  If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, refer to Gamblers Anonymous or refer to the telephone number(s) provided by your favorite casino.